Bringing up the rear...Part I

We live in one of those special houses that can be found in many a neighborhood, no matter where you happen to reside. I'm talking about the house on the block that is a total eyesore, but which people will still pass by and think "Gee, if someone would put a little time and effort into that place, it could really be charming..."

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm the idiot who bought that house. As if the shabby exterior, overgrown yard and crumbling driveway were not enough of a challenge, let me assure you that the interior was ten times worse. Five years later, my closest friends and family now have strict instructions to shoot me on the spot if I ever, ever consider buying a "fix-it-upper" again.

Following countless hours spent coaxing the inside of our home into to a fresh and tidy condition after buying it in 2005, I was finally able to turn my attention to the outside of the house a year later. (Not counting the new roof put on that first summer, immediately after a thunderstorm revealed that a good rain would cause a large waterfall to pour down the dining room wall.)

As with the interior, the exterior makeover took far too much time, effort and expense. Finally, though, new siding, doors, shutters, and awnings transformed the front of the house and a fresh concrete drive and walk, replanted lawn and new landscaping added the finishing touches. Once the home's appearance started drawing compliments from people walking by, I knew the curb appeal of my dreams had been achieved.



The thing about curb appeal, however, is that by definition it includes only that which can be seen from the street. Viewed from the front or either side, the outside of our little ranch rambler now looks rather dandy. Viewed from the back? Not so much.

Of course the rear of the home received new siding when that job was done four years ago and, at the same time, I even added shutters to the windows looking out on the back deck. But there I stopped. While a non-scientific survey (glancing up and down the block) reveals that more than one neighbor seems to suffer a certain apathy relating to their backyard's appearance compared to their front, the sorry shape of my own rear space is not due to lack of caring. To the contrary, I knew from day one that the backyard needed serious help. There were, however, some major obstacles in the way.

One was the five foot tall chain link fence that surrounds three-fourths of the backyard, and which was rimmed with scraggly hedges that would stretch about twelve feet tall in the course of a summer if left untended. A healthy and neatly trimmed privacy hedge is one thing. A hedge that gives a scary haunted house look to the place is entirely different. I wanted to be rid of that hedge and, ideally, the old rusty fence as well. In terms of looks, the existing fence adds nothing, unless one enjoys a prison yard atmosphere. However, some sort of fencing out back is absolutely mandatory, as it serves to enclose the playground of our two beloved mongrels.

After pricing new fencing, I was dismayed (though not surprised) to learn that even the cheapest option would cost a couple thousand dollars. To add to my woes, the remaining backyard space contains two gargantuan maple trees that, while we love their leafy shade, pose a serious danger to the house roof with their giant, aging limbs. The trees also make growing grass beneath them an arduous task, and the trees cause an awful mess year round with helicopters, buds and leaves dropping all over the yard and deck.

The problems don't stop there. The far edge of the yard bordering our deck features what was probably a nice row of tidy cedars twenty years ago. Now, however, that strip of privacy evergreens is woody and half-dead, grows on a crooked, sideways slant, and is filled with foreign tree saplings, poison ivy and other invaders.